I have anxiety.
There, I said it.
Not the anxiety where you can talk yourself out of a freak-out moment or a panic attack but like full blown anxiety. I freak-out about everything and it takes a lot to calm me down.
As a Christian, I am supposed to give my all to Christ, but my sinful nature says otherwise. God tells me to give Him everything. I am supposed to give Him the best and the worst in me. My sinful desires, my deepest darkest secrets, and yep you guessed it, my anxiety. This should be easy, after all, He literally DIED FOR ME!
Like, come on it’s not difficult. So why can’t I?
I’ll tell you exactly why. My anxiety gets to me. I freak out about what someone said to me twenty minutes ago, what’s happening in our world, or even a post on Facebook about ‘Jesus coming back soon’ (yep, that scares me too). I over analyze things to the point that I am left in a panic.
Once I calm down, I say “Okay God, this is yours. I don’t want it anymore”.
But my mind tells me otherwise.
It says “Just forget about.” “Out of sight, out of mind, right?” “If you don’t experience anything that triggers your anxiety, is it really even there?”
This mindset works for a little bit.
Until
It happens again. Something else sets me off and I can already feel my heart starting to race. My face is turning red and all the blood is currently in my head.
I may be sick and I can't calm down.
This rollercoaster of emotions is not what God wants for me. He does not want me to be anxious.
He wants me to let go and trust.
Trust that He is in control and He’s got this. He is the Creator of everything.
My God is bigger than my fears, bigger than my sin, and He is bigger than my anxiety.
I will not let this have a hold of me anymore.
I will not let this consume me.
Not, one more second of it. Nope, not anymore.
I am giving this to God. I am letting go and laying this at the foot of the cross.
Because
He’s got this and He has the whole world in His hands, including my anxiety.